In a fascinating study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, University of Texas psychologists Paul Eastwick and Lucy Hunt show that in more dating contexts, a person’s “mate value” matters less than their “unique value.” But the things that really make us fall for someone are their deeper, more unique qualities, and usually those only come out during sustained interactions. Initially, we were attracted to people by their physical appearance and traits we can quickly recognize. Instead of trying to date so many different people and getting stressed out with texting games and the like, I was really getting to know a few people and having a better time for it.Īfter doing the research for this book and spending time reading papers with long-ass titles like “Couples’ Shared Participation in Novel and Arousing Activities and Experienced Relationship Quality,” I realized the results of my personal experiment were quite predictable. Unlike my enlightened friend in Monroe, I just hadn’t had enough faith in people. In the past I had probably been eliminating folks who could have possibly provided fruitful relationships, short- or long-term, if I’d just given them more of a chance. Just casually dating many people had rarely led to this kind of discovery. We’d develop more inside jokes and just generally get along better, because we were familiar.

I knew the person better and we kept building a good rapport together. What I found is that a first date that was a six was usually an eight on the second date. With this new mentality, I would go on a second date.

Instead, I would have been on my phone texting other options, trying to find that elusive first date that would be a nine or a ten. If I went out with a girl, and the date felt like it was a six, normally I wouldn’t have gone on a second date. Rather than go on four different dates, what if I went on four dates with one person? I would invest more in people and spend more time with one person. Related Segment Is Modern Dating the Worst?Īt a certain point I decided to change my dating strategy as a personal experiment.

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